Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Yikes! Bad Blogger

I'm a terrible blogger! I've always wanted to be good at it, but life seems to get in my way. I'm going to try to do better!

Wow, November was the last you heard from me. A LOT has happened since then.

Let's start with September 2011. I found out in early September that I was expecting. I was thrilled. The doctor's had told me that it would take a little while for me to get pregnant due to my PCOS. I followed Natural Family Planning and took my temperature every morning. When I knew I was ovulating I made sure my husband and I did our thing :) It worked! I was over the moon.

On September 25th I woke up with some bleeding. It wasn't very much... just a little brown spotting. I didn't think much of it because I had read that this could happen early in pregnancy. As the day went on I noticed more bleeding. It wasn't stopping. I started to get really worried. I called my mom and my aunt and asked for their opinions. Should I go to the hospital? It was a Sunday so my doctor was not available. At around 1:00pm my husband and I decided to go to the Emergency room. We did a lot of waiting and worrying. I was finally taken back and given an ultrasound. The doctor then told me that the baby was measuring at 6 1/2 weeks. I was 8 1/2 weeks. It seemed as though the baby had stopped growing. He called it a threatened miscarriage. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. All I wanted was to cry. Why? This wasn't fair. What did I do?

The doctor sent me home in tears. That night I ended up miscarrying. It was the worst experience of my life. Not only was it emotionally the worst thing I've ever been through, but it was physically the worst thing I had ever experienced. I was up all night with cramping and stabbing pains. each trip to the bathroom tore my heart apart. The worst part: seeing the sac drop and flushing my baby down the toilet. Now, I realize that at 6 1/2 weeks it wasn't a "baby", but to me... that was my child. I was miserable. The next few days were a blur. I was in pain physically and emotionally. I didn't want to talk to anyone. My husband was great and supported me as best he could.

I went to my doctor the next week for an ultrasound. He wanted to make sure that I had passed everything on my own. My ultrasound and blood work showed that everything had been passed. The doctor printed a picture of my empty uterus and left the room saying, "I'm sorry it's only a picture of your empty uterus." I was in shock. How could an OB doctor say this to a women who just lost her baby? I vowed never to go back there again.


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